


in the dark

by destinedtobelokid



Series: one word prompts [20]
Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Dubious Consent, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-08
Updated: 2013-05-08
Packaged: 2017-12-10 19:27:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,797
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/789296
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/destinedtobelokid/pseuds/destinedtobelokid
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"If you don't want to look at me when I say it, then how about we tell each other in the dark?" Merlin reached out past Arthur, slim fingers flicking the switch and stealing away the light, leaving then in a dim, grey room. Merlin's chest was pressed against Arthur's left shoulder-blade, Merlin's chin hovering over his shoulder as he stared at Arthur through the mirror.</p>
            </blockquote>





	in the dark

Merlin leaned up in bed, ankles crossed, pillow pressing against his lower back, book in his lap. Arthur dumped his duffel bag onto his own bed a few feet from Merlin's. Arthur pulled his shirt over his head, balling it up and tossing it to the foot of his bed.

"How does this shirt look on me?" Arthur queried, holding a white button up shirt against his chest. Merlin glanced up and pulled a face. Arthur sighed. "No?"

"Na. Makes you look all pale and sick. You should wear your other button up, the black one. That one suits you. Makes your eyes and hair brighter." Merlin waved his arms around his face and head as he said it. Arthur tossed the white shirt down onto his bed.

"Didn't know you were a fashion guru, Merlin!" Arthur said, with a toothy grin.

"I'm not. Just saying."

"Yeah, whatever. I'll wear the black one, that is if I can find the blasted thing." Arthur looked around the room, pursing his lips and frowning. He leaped towards the closet, tossing the doors open, he didn't seem to notice when the doors banged loudly against the wall. Merlin only hoped the door handles didn't dent the wall, again. Arthur rummaged around, sliding the coat hangers along the iron bar, the various shirts swishing as they were moved.

"Aha!" He crowed, pulling out and holding up the black shirt triumphantly. "How's it look?"

"Fantastic." Merlin said without looking up from his book. Arthur chuckled and shook his head. He layed out the shirt next to his pants on the bed, neatly, compared to the utter disaster that was the rest of his half of the room. The clutter and mess nearly overtaking Arthur's bed. Merlin himself was tidy, but Arthur was a slob, but at least he kind of respected Merlin's neatness and kept most of his mess to himself.

"What are you doing tonight?" Merlin asked, eyes glued to his book. He read the words but none of it registered with his brain; his attention was focused, nearly entirely, on Arthur.

"Going out probably." Arthur replied. Merlin rolled his eyes, scowling at the strong lines of Arthur's back. Arthur turned his face slightly to look at Merlin sideways. "What about you?"

He didn't wait for Merlin to answer, he strolled across the small room, and disappeared into the bathroom. The sound of a tap turning on and water running fast floated from the bathroom into the bedroom. Merlin flicked another page, thinking. Gwaine had asked Merlin if he'd tag along to the pub with him and some of his footie mates, but Merlin wasn't sure he wanted to. It was a Saturday, anyway, and Merlin dreaded Saturday's.

"Well?" Arthur yelled, voice muffled. "Merlin?"

"Turn the tap down a notch, will you? You're going to waste all the bloody water." Merlin chided, tilting his head back against the headboard.

"For God's sake Merlin, stop avoiding the question! What are you doing?" He dragged the syllables of the question out, as though Merlin were an idiot. Merlin gritted his teeth, tucking his bookmark into place and slapping the book shut.

"Nothing... Well, I'll probably study or read." Merlin lifted his book and waved it around, and shrugged even though Arthur couldn't see him. "I dunno."

The water turned off suddenly. Arthur poked his head out from around the corner, his face a blank, completely unimpressed mask. His hair was damp and sticking up at odd angles, a droplets of water ran down his face, catching on his eyelashes, rolling over smooth cheekbones dusted with a rosy red -probably from the cold bite of the water- and following the strong line of his jaw, and rolling slowly down his neck, and over the ridges of his collarbone and down further, weaving through the hair on his muscled chest. Merlin licked his lips as his eyes travelled over Arthur's face and bare chest. He jumped slightly when Arthur coughed, eyebrows arched upwards and lips curled in a smirk.

Merlin felt the heat rising into his face, blood rushing to his cheeks. He glanced around the room quickly, before his eyes met Arthur's own, although his were narrow, while Merlin's were wide.

"I- uh I'm going to study."

"Again!" Arthur's voice raised in disbelief. "It's a Saturday night! Go out! Get drunk! Get laid! Socialise. Jesus Christ, you're a fucking hermit, mate."

Merlin's lips thinned and he looked down at his book, slim fingers smoothing over the cover's worn out image.

Arthur sighed, rubbing a hand over his face and then through his hair, spiking it up even more. "Look, Merls-" Merlin flinched at the nickname, and the smooth, almost purring way it rolled off of Arthur's tongue- "There's a party at Vivian's place. You know Viv, right? That petite blonde whose been obsessing over me since high school? She's pretty hot and has nice tits, but she's a little insane. Anyway, there'll be loads of people. You should come. It'll be fun."

"For you, maybe, but I have no interest in going out."

"Aw, c'mon, Merlin. There's this girl, I think she'd be prefect for you. Her name's Mithian. Pretty nice, and attractive, has a nice rack." Arthur raised his eyebrows. Merlin sneered.

"As lovely as she sounds, I'm still not going out."

"No, you never do."

"And what's wrong with that, huh?" Merlin asked, a defensive undertone in his voice. He chucked his book down, staring at Arthur, brows knit together.

"It's not normal!" Arthur cried, throwing his arms up.

" _So_? Who gives a shit if it isn't normal. Elena's tits aren't normal, they aren't even fucking real, but that doesn't stop you and half the football team from drooling over them. Just because something isn't strictly normal doesn't mean it's bad. Why don't you just fuck off and let me do what I want, yeah? You aren't my mother and you certainly aren't the director of my life."

"What's got up your arse, today?" Arthur folded his arms over his chest.

"Not you, that's for sure." Merlin snapped.

Arthur winced, but Merlin missed it as he flopped himself over onto his bed, facing away from Arthur.

"Seriously, what's wrong? Why are you so testy?" Merlin was a little bit surprised at how much softer Arthur's voice was.

"I'm tired." Merlin sighed. And he was. He was absolutely fucking exhausted, but not from lack of sleep or from overworking himself.

"Then come out and relax, have a little fun. All of this studying is going to wear you out. You can't keep yourself locked up all the time."

"I can and I will."

"Ugh, whatever. I'm not even going to bother with you anymore-"

"Good."

"- But you can't stay here. Not tonight."

"Why?" Merlin looked over his shoulder, suspicious.

"I need the room." Arthur said simply, not meeting Merlin's eyes.

"Are you expecting someone?" Merlin's voice was bland. His face was completely closed off, but his hands shook ever so slightly.

"Sophia's coming over."

"Sophia?" Merlin scoffed. "Sophia Sidhe? Why didn't you tell me?"

"I thought you already knew."

"How the hell would I know? Hermit, _remember_?" Merlin found himself trying to joke, even though his insides were a fiery mess of anger and betrayal and jealousy. He forced a tight smile onto his face. Arthur didn't reply. He turned away, going to the desk and picking up papers and setting them down somewhere else, only to put them back into their original places moments later.

"How long?" Merlin asked, sitting up, resting back on his elbows.

"A while."

"How long?"

"About a month."

Merlin closed his mouth, keeping back the words hanging on his tongue. Whether a sharp retort or a plea of denial or- Merlin settled instead for a bitter, "You can't bring her here."

"Why not?"

"I don't bring girls here."

"That's because you're a loser. And a virgin." Arthur scowled.

 _Not a virgin. You should know, you fucking prat._ Merlin wanted to snarl, but he couldn't find it in himself to say it. He turned over, facing away from Arthur again. "That's beside's the point. i shouldn't have to go out of my way just so you can get laid."

"One night."

"No." Merlin gritted his teeth. He was being stubborn, but fuck Arthur. Merlin was done with being pushed around.

"Come on, Merlin, don't be such a fucking child."

"Oh, fuck off. She's just like all the others, anyway. You'll fuck her a few times, have her hanging off your arm and then you'll drop her on her arse, leave her in a right mess, just like you always do. You're going to dump her, so why not sooner rather than later? Get it over with so you can move on to the next bimbo."

"She's not- I'm not going to dump her. I like her." Arthur's voice sounded sincere. Merlin closed his eyes, glad that Arthur couldn't see him.

"So, she's your steady girlfriend then?"

"Yes. And I'd like it to stay that way."

"Why?"

"I just do."

"You don't love her. You don't even like her. Hell, no more than a month ago, you were going on about how much of a tart and a bitch she was, and now _what_? You're fucking in love?"

"Stop it, Merlin."

"You don't give a damn about Sophia."

"Oh really? I screw her every night."

"That is different."

"What would you know? You've never been with a girl."

"So? I don't need to screw a girl to know these things. Sex doesn't unlock the mysteries of love, y'know."

"Sophia's coming up and I'm letting her in. You can either get lost or stay here and watch, I don't fucking care. She's my girlfriend and she's allowed to come here."

"Arthur, you can't do this! You're a fucking _bastard_! Bringing her up here. Showing her off. Shoving her in my face! Like- like you're trying to prove to me that you aren't-" Merlin's voice was far too high and far too desperate.

"Stop it!" Arthur yelled and a heavy silence overtook them. "I want to be with her. What's wrong with that?"

"That's not true. You _hate_ her-"

"Stop it."

Merlin snapped his mouth shut, wide eyed and burning with anger as Arthur came forward, staring Merlin down.

"You're 21 and you stayed cooped up inside studying all the time. Find some friends, get a girlfriend and get out!"

"Why? I'm happy like this. I enjoy what I do. I like being alone and I like my own company. It's peaceful and easy and relaxing."

"You're not normal." Arthur sneered.

"This again? Normal? There is no such thing as 'normal'. Aren't we all 'individual human beings'? If everyone is different, then how is anything 'normal'?"

"Stop this- stop being pathetic and lonely or there'll be trouble." Arthur warned. Merlin's mouth turned into an 'o' and he stood, eyebrows high and eyes dark with a twisted mirth.

" _Oooh_ , what are you going to do to me?" Merlin goaded, leaning into Arthur's space, face a few inches away. "Hmm, Pendragon? Are you going to punish me? _Spank_ me like a naughty school boy? Or _fuck_ me against the wall?"

Arthur's face was clouded with anger, mouth thin, jaw taut, eyes burning. His fists curled up tightly as a small tremor shook through his body.

"Shut up." His voice trembled.

"Make me." Merlin sneered, breath blowing over Arthur's face, making his skin burn.

"Don't try me, Emrys."

"Why not? What have I got to lose? I'm just a hermit with no life and no friends. Isn't that right, _Arthur_?"

"Do you know what people say about you, Merlin?"

"I don't know them- I don't like them, so why should their opinion matter to me? Huh?"

"You don't want to be gay, do you?"

"Why? Does it disgust you? Does the very thought of sucking another guy's dick, or having your dick sucked revolt you? Does the idea of fucking another man in the arse make you sick? Does it?"

"Shut up." Arthur's face was a worrying shade of red, but Merlin didn't care, he was too far gone in his anger.

"You started it. And now you hide behind Sophia. Just admit it, she's your beard."

"Shut up! You don't know anything!"

"Really? I think I know a lot about you that no one else does..." Merlin trailed off innocently. "Say, does your girlfriend know what you do to me? _Hmm_? Does she?"

"No." Arthur's answer was clipped and cold.

"How do you think she'd react if I told her?"

"Don't you dare."

"Why? Are you scared?"

"I'm not gay."

Merlin eyed him up and down. "I'm not so sure about that."

"I am _not_ -"

"If you don't want to look at me when I say it, then how about we tell each other in the dark?" Merlin reached out past Arthur, slim fingers flicking the switch and stealing away the light, leaving then in a dim, grey room. Merlin's chest was pressed against Arthur's left shoulder-blade, Merlin's chin hovering over his shoulder as he stared at Arthur through the mirror.

"I'f I'm gay because I don't go out, because I don't have any friends or a girlfriend. If I'm gay... then what are _you_?" Merlin didn't give Arthur time to answer or react, he plundered on.

"You _love_ your body, God, you get turned on just looking at yourself in the mirror. So what are you? For years, every Saturday afternoon, you'd have me kneel down and suck you off, or you'd bend me over the table, or couch, or fuck me against the wall. Every fucking Saturday you'd have your wicked way with me in the dark. Where no one- not even _you_ \- could see how gay you really are."

The silence that fell is hard and sudden. Arthur is frozen, emotionless save for the tears and anger burning his eyes. Merlin's anger slowly ebbs away, his breath coming hard and fast, lungs heaving as though he'd run a marathon.

"Why are you still here?" Merlin asked after a minute passed and neither of them moved a muscle. "Don't you have a girlfriend to fuck? Heterosexuality to defend?"

"I- I'll go out then." Arthur mumbled slowly. Merlin stepped back, folding his arms over his chest.

"Running away again?" Merlin tsked. "That's not very brave, that's not something a Pendragon would do. Won't Daddy be so very disappointed?"

Arthur flinched at the mention of his father. Merlin knew perfectly well how tense Arthur's relationship with Uther Pendragon was. Arthur started to walk out of the bathroom.

"What would Daddy say if I told him? Hmm? Would he still consider you the perfect son? If he knew what you do to me?"

"Don't you-" Arthur spun around, eyes wide and somewhat scared.

"Dare? You're sounding like a broken record."

"You wouldn't tell him, Merlin. You're not like that. You wouldn't be that cruel."

"Wouldn't I? What makes you so fucking sure?"

"You're my friend-"

"Am I? Last time I checked, friends didn't use and screw each other over. If you were my friend, if you actually care about me you never would have used my feelings against me. You wouldn't have used me and made me miserable, just so you could get your kicks. If you were my friend you wouldn't fucking do this to me!" Tears were caught on Merlin's eyelashes. He blinked and they fell, rolling down over his cheeks, leaving shiny silver trails in their wake.

"Merlin-"

" _No_!" He shouted and bit his lip, then turned to face the mirror.

Merlin leaned against the sink, his hands spread out against the bleach white cabinet. His shoulders shook and he lowered his head, but Arthur could see part of his face in the mirror; the twist in Merlin's mouth and around his eyes as he tried desperately not to cry.

"I-" Arthur touched Merlin's shoulder. He flinched and tried to pull away, but Arthur held him there. Slowly, Arthur turned Merlin around, while rubbing his fingers into the tense muscles of his shoulders.

Merlin stared at Arthur blankly, no light in his eyes except for glistening tears. Arthur came closer, pressing their foreheads together, letting their breath mingle. Arthur cupped Merlin's face, and watched as Merlin leaned into the touch, sighing.

Arthur did something he had never dared do before; he closed the gap between them and kissed Merlin, soft and sweet. Merlin was unresponsive, frozen. Arthur pulled back and stroked his thumb over Merlin's cheekbone, his fingers curling in Merlin's hair. Merlin knew what this meant, he knew the routine.

Merlin slowly began to sink to his knees, as he often did when Arthur bid him. Looking down at him, down at the shaking mess he'd made, Arthur's throat constricted. Merlin numbly began to unzip Arthur's jeans, but Arthur's hand caught his, his other holding a finger under Merlin's chin, tilting his head up.

"No," Arthur murmured, fingers stroking Merlin's cheek. He gently took Merlin by the shoulders and helped him to stand. Merlin was frozen, eyes wide, mouth agape, arms limp and useless.

Arthur ran his hand down Merlin's chest, fingertips brushing over his nipples and his hand came down to curl around Merlin's hips, holding him in place. Arthur leaned forward, lips caressing Merlin's neck. He kissed the pale skin and moved his head down, slowly kneeling, leaving kisses in his wake- down Merlin's chest and navel until Arthur met the waistband of Merlin's sweatpants. He slipped his fingers under the waistband, brushing over Merlin's skin.

Arthur glanced up, and caught Merlin's eyes fixed on him, his mouth unhinged, cheeks tinged red and his eyes dark and confused. Arthur leaned forward, nosing against Merlin's groin. He slowly pulled down Merlin's sweatpants, shimming them down Merlin's thin thighs, right down to his knees, before rubbing his hands up his legs against, to grip his hips. Arthur cupped a hand over Merlin's crotch, over his cock, and Merlin sucked in a sharp breath. A glance upwards, and Arthur saw Merlin biting his lip, and his fingers curling against the sink.

Arthur took that as encouragement. He palmed Merlin's cock, mouth a mere inch away.

He tucked his fingers under the band of Merlin's underwear and began to slide them down. Merlin's hands reached down to hold Arthur's firmly, Arthur let his hands fall away, knuckles brushing against the cold tiles covering the floor.

"No, no, Arthur, stop-" Merlin mumbled, hands gripping Arthur's shoulder and hair. Arthur let Merlin pull him away, leaning back on his haunches, panting slightly as he looked up. Merlin's face was a mess of emotions and conflict. He yanked his pants back up, letting them rest on his narrow hips. Merlin glared at Arthur.

"How dare you?" He croaked, sounding out of breath and on the verge of tears. "After everything you've done? You think sucking my cock will _what_? Make up for all the shit you've put me through? And you- _God_ , you're so fucked up!" Merlin yelled, as he tried to stumble backwards, but ended up hitting the sink with his arse. He stared down at Arthur, and then pushed passed him.

Arthur fell back and leaned against the bath, letting his head fall back and rest against the rim. He sighed and closed his eyes. He could hear Merlin sniffling, and breathing in short, heavy gasps. Arthur pulled himself up, following Merlin into the other room.

It was dark, but Arthur could see Merlin's silhouette, a silvery outline of the thin man. He was standing near his bed, arms wrapped around himself, head bowed, back to Arthur.

"I'm sorry-" Arthur tried to reach for Merlin, to comfort him, to make up for every fucking horrible thing he did-

" _Don't_. Don't even think about touching me." Merlin spat. Arthur nodded meekly and dropped his hand. Merlin's back shook, Arthur suspected it was both from trying not to cry and the cold air in the room. He grabbed one of his hoodies and held it out to Merlin. When Merlin didn't respond, he nudged Merlin's shoulder-blade with it. Merlin turned slowly.

He at Arthur with red rimmed eyes before taking the offered hoodie and pulling it over his head. Merlin tugged the sleeves over his hands, twisting the tips of his fingers in the sleeve cuffs, he drew the hood up and sniffed.

"I fucked up-" Arthur tried. Merlin glanced up at him.

"I don't want you to explain yourself. Not now, maybe not ever. Just... Leave me alone. _Please_." His voice cracked.

The shrill shriek of the door buzzer went off, piercing through the darkened room, the startling them both. Arthur glanced to the door, knowing Sophia would be standing behind it. He gulped, an uneasy sickness settling in his stomach. He glanced to Merlin.

Merlin glowered at him, eyes blurred by tears. "Don't you fucking dare bring that whore in here."

Arthur stared back for a moment before spinning around and walking out of the bathroom. Merlin watched, helpless, as Arthur grabbed his bag, stuffed his clothes back inside and slung it over his shoulder. Merlin turned around and stood in the doorway, leaning against the cold wood, raising goose bumps on his forearm, the thickness of Arthur's hoodie doing nothing to stop the chill resting on his bones. Arthur stood at the door, hand on the knob. He bowed his head and his back moving as he took a deep breath. Merlin watched, half hoping that Arthur would turn around and stay, another part of him wanting Arthur to leave and never come back.

The door slowly opened and a high, sugar sweet voice rang out, echoing in Merlin's ears. He felt sick and shaky, and he feared his legs might give out. Arthur's turned and his eyes darted over his shoulder as he swung the door open and stepped over the threshold. His eyes met Merlin's for no more than a second and then he was gone, the door shutting with a finalising click behind him, leaving Merlin in a dark and silent room.

Merlin covered his mouth with his hand. He closed his eyes tightly, swallowing a sob. He blindly tripped to his bed, tumbling down onto it, landing face first with a groan. He buried his head into the pillow, curling his fingers into it until his knuckles ached.

And when he woke up in the morning, the sun glaring in his eyes, and he looked over at Arthur's bed and saw that all of Arthur's belongings were gone, and his half of their shared room was in prefect order, Merlin threw himself back under the covers, taking refuge in the cocoon of warmth as he cursed himself over and over again for ever letting this happen to him.


End file.
